it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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