You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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