what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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