I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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