Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
