I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
