i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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