you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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