I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
