Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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