Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
