Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
