Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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