Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
