I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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