Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
