its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
