im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
