Whod you bang
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't turn off my feet"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
