So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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