Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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