i can't believe i had my finger in that
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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