my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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