You really coming over, don't trick.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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