And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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