remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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