have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
