I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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