Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
