If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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