I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I got her a Nickelback box set.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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