i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
