there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize