Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
