i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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