Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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