I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
