does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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