yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Found your dick twin last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
