Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
