Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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