why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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