Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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