You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
