Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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