I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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