the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
