things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
