just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
