he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
