so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
