I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
