Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
