I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
