my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize