I think i sorta joined a cult last night
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
