She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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