That's when you crack a 10am beer
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
