I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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