Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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