just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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