U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
