Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
