I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
high people should be assigned attendants
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
