I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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