I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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