so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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