Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
