Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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